I Just Can't Do It Alone

The reality of graduation is weighing very heavily on me. Not in an "I'm depressed and mopey, freaking out because college is ending" kind of way, but more of a "wide-eyed 22 year old, facing the precipice of real-life adulthood" way. 

In less than 2 months now, I will don my graduation cap and gown, hopefully smoothly waltz across the Benson stage, shake hands with Dr. McLarty, and shuffle my way into the cold world. And each step I take toward that day is making me realize more and more that I am growing up. What a terrifying, but simultaneously incredible, thought! 

I have changed so much in the past 4 years-physically, emotionally, spiritually-and thank GOD! As I approach this crossroads, I find myself stealing glances back at what was, thinking about all the things I have learned and the different places I have transformed. I can literally feel the growing pains, as I prepare to take my leap into full-on responsibility; a world away from the simplicities of the routine of school-life. And this semester is challenging me-this whole year, in fact. I have been given incredible responsibilities (and when I say incredible, I mean I am so honored by all the responsibilities handed to me within the past year). I was given the chance last summer to not only intern for a second time but to coordinate a seminar about human trafficking at my church. My best friend got engaged to the man of her dreams, and I am humbled to stand beside her as Maid of Honor this year. I spent last semester as an activities director for my social club with my dear friend Steph. In some fumble of life, I was selected to help lead our human trafficking group at Harding with a group of awesome people who are dedicated to the cause! And most recently, have been blessed to be connected in a powerful way with the organization PATH in Little Rock, and am directing a 5K in May to help promote awareness and raise funds.

And with all this responsibility, as amazing as it is, I am questioning what on EARTH God thinks He is doing. I'm the girl who can't finish anything! There's a coffee table sitting in our apartment living room that has been sanded down for almost a year now, waiting on me to spruce it up with a new paint job. I'm the girl who starts to clean her room, and get's stuck sorting through a drawer of old stuff, leaving it a bigger mess than when I started. I can't even list how many books I have accumulated over my life that are half-read, because I start a new one and never go back to finish it.

So this is my growing up challenge. God is challenging me to finish what I started. He's challenging me to not hope that things are moved or cancelled for my lazy convenience, but to take on all my responsibilities (be it Maid of Honor, HUmanity, graduation, post-grad planning, social life, PATH, etc.) and complete them for His glory. He is teaching me that I CAN'T finish anything on my own...except maybe a Peanut Butter Snickers. But I CAN finish if I turn it over to Him. I will always need help. Granted, I am often too stubborn to ask for it. God has been standing next to me so many times saying "Here, hand it to me, beloved. We can do it together. My yoke is easy and my burden is light. It's lighter than any of these things you are juggling. So hand it to me, let me help." 

I will probably still always be that girl who has a hard time finishing every book I pick up, or every DIY project I so boldly take on. But I also know that God is growing me in this stage of my life, to be a mature adult, willing to take on tasks that will glorify Him. He just has to remind me sometimes that I can only truly finish them if I rely on Him.

Burning Bushes

If you grew up in the church, you know what I mean when I say "What's your favorite Bible story?" We all have them. The stories you were told at VBS when you were younger-Joshua, Noah, Jonah...etc. Maybe it was all the colorful animals in Noah's Ark-that used to be my favorite! Or you love the idea of living inside of a big fish like Jonah did. Trust me, ask any 6 year old what their favorite Bible story is, and just enjoy the answers you get. 

We kind of grow out of those kind of Bible stories as we get older. Instead of the fun tales of childhood, our favorite Bible stories start to be ones where we sympathize with the character. They take on more meaning than the simple stories with the fun songs that captured our minds as children. I am realizing that as much as I loved the idea of a giant boat with hundreds of different animals on it, and a rainbow at the end as a kid, I would be a little afraid of the animals, hate the smell, and be tired of being cooped up inside a boat for 40 days. Very recently, I have had Moses on the brain. We have talked about him and his parents in church the past two Sundays, and even shared a quick bit about him and his brother Aaron on Wednesday in Bible class. And I am beginning to understand that God is using me like Moses. I never really had a Bible character that I really connected to before, it all seemed kind of like a stretch for me. But Moses, he makes sense to me. 

Maybe I wasn't ever raised in a palace persay, but I sure acted like I was in high school. God has used college to humble me, just like he used the desert to humble Moses and prepare him for his next stage of life. 

In Exodus 3, God appears to Moses in a burning bush and tells him that he has seen the way the Israelites suffer under their slave drivers and is concerned for them. He tells Moses that He is sending him to rescue the people of Israel from the hand of Pharaoh. I think what I empathize most with the story of Moses is in verse 11 of chapter 3, when he says "Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" Later, in chapter 6, God tells Moses to go back to Pharaoh and he again says "Since I speak with faltering lips, why should Pharaoh listen to me?" 

I am nothing. Moses went from the highest place to being absolutely nothing. Yet God goes to him, understanding his new position, and chooses to send him to the most powerful person in Egypt to rescue people from slavery. 

I know exactly what Moses is saying when he says he speaks with faltering lips. Sometimes when I'm talking to people, it feels like my brain freezes and I can't get the words out to say what I mean. And when I'm speaking publicly, I say "um" a lot-something I'm trying to improve on. My words seem so miniscule and meaningless. But somehow, God has seen fit to come to me and give me opportunities to do something great. He isn't sending me to speak to the President or anything (although, I may have just jinxed myself), but he has pushed me smack in the middle of the issue of human trafficking. He placed a fiery passion inside of me for these people who are forced into a wicked situation, given me just enough resources to tell others about it, and provided a way for me to present a seminar to my church family. And let me tell you, I am terrified of using my faltering lips to share the news this weekend. 

But God doesn't just say "too bad, suck it up and go do what I told you." He says "I will be with you." He reassures Moses that he is right there next to him, no doubt feeding him the lines as to what to say. There have been many times where I feel like I have no possible way to talk about something, but suddenly I give a good answer. I know that God has used these faltering lips to do some tiny bit of good. And I have no doubt that He will continue to do so-on Saturday, this next school year, and hopefully in a job one day. 

If God can appear to Moses in a burning bush out in the desert and use him to take down a power hungry slave-owner, he can use me to influence the work of many and work toward stopping the wickedness all over the world that we see in modern day slavery. I count my blessings that God has seen me fit to walk beside Moses in his search for justice and freedom. And on days when I'm at my lowest, I know that there is purpose because I have a fire for seeing the liberation of many, just like my Savior.

Relevant Mag ::[The Justice Side of Porn]::

I get emails from Relevant Magazine each week with some of the highlighted articles, and came across this one. I wanted to share it because, as I said a few weeks ago-fighting human trafficking is something I'm really passionate about. I know in my life, I have had friends addicted to porn that I wish so badly I could help. But this article shows that porn isn't only hurting you and those people around you, but people in other parts of the world are being victimized. I don't say that to guilt anyone who has an addiction, but just hoping to open everyone's eyes to think of human trafficking in different ways. It isn't just girls in brothels. It's people we walk past on the street, people we see in magazines, people who are millions of miles away or even right next door.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/reject-apathy/loss-innocents/justice-side-porn

Crossroads

I'm at a crossroads in my life between knowledge and action. I have recently been given a passion for modern day slavery, which consequently intersects with a head-passion I've always had for poverty in the world. As I learn more and more about the issue of modern day slavery, which includes everything from sex trafficking to mistreatment of workers and human trafficking for labor, it is no longer okay to harbor only knowledge. Eventually those facts and stats have to become more. They must mature into a passion for action. And as I sit and type, I am conflicted. Everything around me has--most likely--been handled unfairly by someone else out there. This weighs heavily on me as a Christian and as a human being. 

But where do I begin in my life to promote fair trade and make changes in my purchasing styles, when fair trade items are so limited and, unfortunately, so is my budget. I do not want to be all talk anymore, changing how I act in some instances, but then turning around and buying that new shirt that increases my slavery footprint on the world instead of diminishing it's mark? 

Coming from the girl who did a huge happy dance when I noticed the fair trade emblem on my K-cups, I can do some things to help. But where is the border between taking small personal victories and changes to overcome slavery and reminding myself that there's only one person who can save the world and it's not me? I guess I don't really have an answer to these questions yet...so maybe it is pointless for me to post this. But I also want anyone out there who is feeling the same way to know they're not alone. And maybe by posting this, someone will stumble upon it and give me a small glimmer of hope in finding the answer. 

Believe me, once I find my footing and start learning what direction to go, I will surely let you all know. 

For today, all I have are questions; staring at the crossroads.

Welcome to my mess

Wowza! My first post on a big girl blog. I probably put too much stress into deciding if I was worthy to enter the blogging world, but here I am, ready to post and share snapshots of life and encouragement with anyone who stumbles across this. 
I come into this blog with hopes of sharing some of my passion for ending human trafficking, moments of encouraging words, maybe some pictures, and new challenges, not only for myself but hopefully for anyone reading this. I do not claim to be a writer or a photographer or any other super cool talent, but I am here to do what I love and share some light in the world. I never want this to become a diary of my accomplishments, or a list of my daily activities, but a way to share some of the thoughts and experiences I am given.
Previously, I spent my time on Tumblr, with my blog cleverly titled "The Mess of Me" after the Switchfoot song, and because I have no clue what I'm doing half of the time. Prepare for this to be one big mess of me and words, pictures, encouragements, scriptures, and so on. I'm kind of eclectic and I like it that way. So, hey hey, here's to post number one!