Leap

I went cliff diving for the first time this year. There's a lake about an hour away from school that students frequent to spend sunny days on the shore, and more importantly, jump from the infamous cliffs. As a senior, we felt it our duty to finally check this adventure off our bucket list. So last semester, my 4 best friends and I packed up may car, drove to a camp site near the lake that we'd found online, arrived after dark to set up camp and make s'mores. It was fantastic! Quite the bonding experience figuring out, as 5 only slightly outdoorsy girls, how to set up our rented tent and start a fire. But we did it, and The Lord said "It is good." We slept only slightly off the sharp rocks for the night, doing the continual skootch back to the middle of the tent after sliding in our sleeping bags down the incline we'd pitched the tent on. And in the morning, as the sun peeked through the trees above us,

 we got up (for once, not only was I not the last one asleep but I actually got up before everyone else! Quite a victory if you know me well) and made pancakes using a skillet we had ingeniously thought ahead to pack, and some cardboard for the spatula we so ingeniously forgot to pack. After a healthy breakfast of chocolate chip pancakes, we packed up, figured out how to pay for our camp site, and headed to the lake!

As none of us had been before, we drove around slightly confused for a few minutes before finally seeing what we could only assume were THE cliffs! As we dropped our belongings onto a nearby picnic table, we excitedly took a picture with the lake as our backdrop and then headed to the edge. 

Crossing the threshold from gravel-y ground to rock-form made the impending feat amazingly realistic. Finally, after 4 years of hearing about cliff jumping, I was about to take on the task! We approached the edge, and suddenly every imaginable worst-case-scenario rushed through my mind.

"What if I trip and fall and go tumbling to my doom?" "What if I don't make it far enough out and crack my skull open, leaving my best friends staring down at my limp corpse?!" "What if I hit the water at the wrong angle and the water goes inside my body and makes my insides explode like the guy on 1000 Ways to Die?" And suddenly cliff jumping was not so appealing. I always used to think I had a fear of heights, like any respectable human, but I've come to realize the past couple years that I have a fear of falling. That moment when suddenly nothing is beneath you and you don't know if you'll ever know what it's like to have something beneath your feet again; no thank you. But here I was, and there was no way I could chicken out. I had to do this. Thousands of other students before me had jumped and survived. And so, after watching my more brave counterparts jump ahead of me, I focused on them in the water, stood at the edge of the cliff and pushed myself into the temporary nothingness. I felt like I was in the air for many minutes before I finally felt the cold water swallow me up, but as I kicked my way to the surface, I heard the cheers from my friends and I knew I did it! I leaped into uncertainty, trusting that my feet could propel me far enough away from the sharp cliff edge, fell through the nothingness for what felt like an eternity, and finally landed in the water near my friends, thus allowing me to become a true Harding student!

In 18 days, I will join with a few hundred other students in the Benson Auditorium. I will "close my Harding chapter", "complete my education", and "step into the real word". Yes, I'm nervous. Yes, I'm excited. But I am trusting that God will prepare my feet to move far enough from the sharp edge and that after falling a short time, He will swallow me up in a new chapter of life. I am facing one of the scariest, most thrilling cliffs of my life.

And here.

I.

Go.....

Midst of the Fire

We have started singing a song recently at church called "Cast My Cares" by Tim Timmons. The verse reads, 

"In the middle of the night

When worry finds me

In the middle of the fight

When strength is gone

In the middle of a fire

When fear is closing in

You are, You are my song

You're my hope, when hope is gone"

I love it! It gets stuck in my head quite frequently and I find myself unknowingly humming it or repeating the tune over and over in my head. It reminds me of those times of falling at the feet of God, exhausted and helpless, saying I don't even know what to ask because I can't find the words I am so tired, but knowing that in that exhaustion God is leading me through. The chorus goes on to say 

"I will cast my care on you, the Almighty.

I will cast my cares on you cause you're good.

I will cast my cares on you cause you love me..."

And there is the hope. I am not, but I know I Am! I am weak and fragile, but I can take all of those burdens and set them on the shoulders of my God. Praise!

Tonight at my Wednesday night devotional, we read Lamentations 3 and talked about the hopeless exhaustion that comes with this life but that through it all, God is sovereign and He is present. 

Lamentations 3:7-9, 21-23 says, 

"He has walled me in so I cannot escape; he has weighed me down with chains. Even when I call out or cry for help, he shuts out my prayer. He has barred my way with blocks of stone; he has made my paths crooked. 

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord ’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

What a blessing to know that no matter what we go through (if you read the whole chapter, it talks about chewing gravel and being pierced by arrows and being mangled by animals and some other really unpleasant things) we will not be overtaken or consumed by them because we have God! And God is so faithful! He is strong. He loves us.

This morning, an old friend spoke in my Bible class, sharing what God has taught him during his time as a youth minister. One point that really stood out to me as he talked was about taking opportunities. As he shared a bit about his experience, he commented on how we tend to wait for our struggles to be tied up neatly before we share them with others, but too often we miss out on the opportunity to minister in those times when we are actually going through the fire. He said that he decided to share with his teens what he has been going through because "in the end, I believe I will come out faithful." And all day, those words have echoed in my ears. To look at a situation where you feel far from God, and know that you can accept your struggles and sin and hurt because, in the end, faith overcomes. 

Zechariah 13:9-

"This third I will put into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, ‘They are my people,’ and they will say, ‘The Lord is our God.’"

Sometimes, we have to be put straight into the fire, refined like silver to the point of changing states, and then molded back into what we are intended to be.

I have to confess that I had started this blog earlier today, with the intent of sharing the fire I am going through. With the hope that inviting others into my mess-and encouraging others to let those around them into their own messes. Yet, as I wrote, the words seemed stuck; stifled. They seemed hollow and choppy, like I was forcing the post. So I threw it out. It went against the mission of my blog-to share things that would be beneficial to others, and not just things that I wanted to talk about. 

However, I think that God wanted me to share this idea of being in the midst of the fire. He kept nudging me throughout the day, so here I press on with new intent. And while I feel I am going through the fire in some fashion, my words are not what needed to be written. I pray that this can be a call to hope for those of you going through a fire of your own, no matter how big or small it may be. To know that whatever you are going through, God will come out victorious-with you right beside Him!

Namaste! ::[And What You Can Learn From Others]::

Warning: Content below may be more liberal than it appears. 

Don't say you haven't been warned.

This weekend, I went on the coveted Living World Religions trip that takes place each semester. We spent 3 days in DFW, taking our learning from classroom to experience. Let me tell you, it was incredible! Aside from the fact that field trips are just fun anyway, I learn so much more from directly experiencing something. 

During the weekend we went to a Hindu Temple, a Theravada Buddhist temple, a Muslim Mosque, a Sikh Temple, a Jewish Synagogue, a Baha'i Center, and a Soka Gakai Buddhist Temple. Talk about a whirlwind of knowledge. I wish I could post everything I saw, processed, thought, felt, talked about, etc. but that would be pages-and I don't even know if I can put it into words justly. 

But there is one particular experience--well, one word really, that has played through my mind the past few days.

 

"Namaste"

If you've ever done yoga, you've probably heard and said this word. 

Our first stop of the trip, Friday morning, was to a Hindu Temple. A beautiful Indian couple met us and spent a few hours explaining the basic beliefs of Hinduism. I could have spent the rest of the day there, listening and asking questions and looking at everything, and still not feel confidently enough to claim that I KNOW Hinduism. I don't seek to explain it here either, but I would love to tell you what I learned if you'd ask me! 

But the word "namaste", the couple explained, means "I bow to the divinity within you". I honor that "Brahman" is within you. Brahman is the Creator god in Hinduism. Something I misunderstood in Hinduism is that Brahman is the one god, and then there are different deities under it (like our Creator God, and then the deities of Jesus and the Holy Spirit). But they also believe that Brahman is in everything; that it is in the trees, the air, and us. So "namaste" is respecting the part of Brahman that is in them. And that word and phrase have resounded through my mind since Friday morning.

One of my biggest take-aways from the weekend was seeing how we can learn truths from other religions that are also present in our own. Every opportunity is a chance to learn and grow.

So what if we, as Christians, learned from "namaste"? What if we approached the rest of our brothers and sisters in this world and bowed to the part of God that is in all of his creation? I don't know about you, but I think God's fingerprint is in every part of creation, kind of like Brahman in Hinduism. I'm certain those implications are different in Hinduism than in Christianity. But I fully believe we can learn from different religions and grow in our faith because of it.
So just imagine if we acknowledged that God is living inside of your brother, or inside of your roommate, or your spouse, or that waiter at your favorite restaurant, or the scantily-clad woman you passed in downtown. Would you approach them differently? Would your thoughts go immediately to judgement, or would they go to love? Wouldn't it be much easier to go talk to a stranger who looks different than you if you thought about how you both had God within you? That's something that I really need to take to heart.

Hebrews 13:2 tells us to show love to strangers because in doing so, we could have shown love to an angel without even knowing (paraphrase). And Matthew 15:40, Jesus says "whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." So greeting someone with "namaste", maybe we will be more willing to see the beauty and value in a person who, by our worldly perceptions, is not seen as valuable.

Not only does this idea of bowing to the divinity within a person change how you view them, but when you bow, you lower yourself and show humility in approaching someone else. I was reading this blog earlier today about the meaning of Namaskar (the act associated with Namaste) and it said that people look to the earth, humbling themselves, when they bow in Namaste. You humble yourself in the presence of God, so it only makes sense to humble yourselves to the aspect of himself in his creation. 

Let me say that again, we humble ourselves to the aspect of God in his creation. We do not worship the creation itself. That is one major difference I saw over and over this weekend, but that's not what this post is about. There's a major aspect in Namaskar that focuses on recognizing our oneness with those around us, being created by the same creator. Namaste acknowledges this idea that none are higher than anyone else. Bowing (humbling) ourselves to each other places every person on the same level. And therein lies the solution! When we recognize we are no more nor less than anyone else, we can show them the true, pure love of God that His greatest creation deserves.

Story

"If the point of life is the same as the point of a story, the point of life is character transformation." --Don Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

If you haven't read this book, I highly recommend putting it on your list! Or really anything by Don Miller. Anyway, this quote really stuck out to me, so I just wanted to unpack a little bit. Recently I have been on an online quiz kick with my suite-we send each other silly quizzes that tell you everything from what color is your aura to which member of One Direction should you marry (for those wondering, I've gotten Harry for every variation of this topic.) I have also had to take some psychological tests for an application process I am currently going through. On both of these types of quizzes (legitimate and amateur-created), a series of personality/preference based questions are asked. In the past two weeks I have answered questions about what type of pet would I prefer, where someone would find me at a party, what my ideal first date would be, and even where I value myself. It may seem silly, but these quizzes-both clinical and not-have sent me on some soul searching. I realized that I have a hard time discerning how to answer some questions because I weigh my entire life in the options. And too often, I have to stop myself from answering how my late adolescent self would. I am realizing more and more that I have changed a LOT since high school. I have found a deeper faith-one that is informed and intentional instead of well-behaved and surface. I have gained more and more confidence in myself. I have started realizing what I actually like and what I don't like, instead of trying to like whatever is cool around me. 

And through it all, I keep changing. I have often been noted as the most changed person in different periods in my life. At summer camp, in middle school choir, with my high school friend groups, and now with my best friends. I never thought twice about how often I am told that I've "changed so much since..." You fill in the blank. But I think that's one of the qualities I am thankful for the most. The ability to grow in so many situations. And maybe that's because I have more growing to do than most people, I'm not quite sure, but I constantly thank God that I have experience character transformation. 

Granted, I still have many days where I backslide closer to my old ways, but the further I grow away from that, the further my backslides are from that original point. I don't say any of that to brag, just reflecting on life and story. We are given an opportunity to live the kind of story we want. And sometimes that story is walking alongside God, letting Him change and grow us. Sometimes that story has lows, sometimes it has highs. But we are always moving in our story. We can live as the protagonist-moving forward, toward a new self who is more loving/courageous/confident/joyful/whatever you desire most. Or we can live as an antagonist-moving back, away, down; becoming more pessimistic/angry/spiteful/fearful. Either way, we go through a character transformation. And, as Don puts it, "If you haven't experienced character transformation, the story hasn't happened yet." 

We can choose our own story, whether we will be an antagonist or protagonist. Whether we will grow forward, or slide back. Whether you will live your story intentionally or with apathy, playing the victim. What will your character transformation be?

I Just Can't Do It Alone

The reality of graduation is weighing very heavily on me. Not in an "I'm depressed and mopey, freaking out because college is ending" kind of way, but more of a "wide-eyed 22 year old, facing the precipice of real-life adulthood" way. 

In less than 2 months now, I will don my graduation cap and gown, hopefully smoothly waltz across the Benson stage, shake hands with Dr. McLarty, and shuffle my way into the cold world. And each step I take toward that day is making me realize more and more that I am growing up. What a terrifying, but simultaneously incredible, thought! 

I have changed so much in the past 4 years-physically, emotionally, spiritually-and thank GOD! As I approach this crossroads, I find myself stealing glances back at what was, thinking about all the things I have learned and the different places I have transformed. I can literally feel the growing pains, as I prepare to take my leap into full-on responsibility; a world away from the simplicities of the routine of school-life. And this semester is challenging me-this whole year, in fact. I have been given incredible responsibilities (and when I say incredible, I mean I am so honored by all the responsibilities handed to me within the past year). I was given the chance last summer to not only intern for a second time but to coordinate a seminar about human trafficking at my church. My best friend got engaged to the man of her dreams, and I am humbled to stand beside her as Maid of Honor this year. I spent last semester as an activities director for my social club with my dear friend Steph. In some fumble of life, I was selected to help lead our human trafficking group at Harding with a group of awesome people who are dedicated to the cause! And most recently, have been blessed to be connected in a powerful way with the organization PATH in Little Rock, and am directing a 5K in May to help promote awareness and raise funds.

And with all this responsibility, as amazing as it is, I am questioning what on EARTH God thinks He is doing. I'm the girl who can't finish anything! There's a coffee table sitting in our apartment living room that has been sanded down for almost a year now, waiting on me to spruce it up with a new paint job. I'm the girl who starts to clean her room, and get's stuck sorting through a drawer of old stuff, leaving it a bigger mess than when I started. I can't even list how many books I have accumulated over my life that are half-read, because I start a new one and never go back to finish it.

So this is my growing up challenge. God is challenging me to finish what I started. He's challenging me to not hope that things are moved or cancelled for my lazy convenience, but to take on all my responsibilities (be it Maid of Honor, HUmanity, graduation, post-grad planning, social life, PATH, etc.) and complete them for His glory. He is teaching me that I CAN'T finish anything on my own...except maybe a Peanut Butter Snickers. But I CAN finish if I turn it over to Him. I will always need help. Granted, I am often too stubborn to ask for it. God has been standing next to me so many times saying "Here, hand it to me, beloved. We can do it together. My yoke is easy and my burden is light. It's lighter than any of these things you are juggling. So hand it to me, let me help." 

I will probably still always be that girl who has a hard time finishing every book I pick up, or every DIY project I so boldly take on. But I also know that God is growing me in this stage of my life, to be a mature adult, willing to take on tasks that will glorify Him. He just has to remind me sometimes that I can only truly finish them if I rely on Him.

Girl Post: Cheetah Nail Art DIY

When I'm stressed, I paint my nails. It helps me to be able to focus on that one thing and feel like I'm being productive. So last night, I decided to try out this cheetah print nail art that I saw on Instagram. I'm kind of obsessed, might be trying it in many different colors until I find some new design that I feel I can manage.

Anyway, I wanted to pass on how to make your own cheetah print nail art!

You need:

3 colors of nail polish (particularly your base color, white and black-but feel free to get creative!)

Top coat

Pointed tip or very tiny paint brush (I used an old ball point pen with a sharp tip)

Cotton ball or tissue

[Step 1] Paint your base color. The one I saw was purple; I decided on a slate so it would go with more.

[Step 2] Once your base dries, take white polish and make sporadic dots on your nail as desired.

[Step 3] Taking your pointed tip-in my case a pen, blot some of your black polish onto the tip and dab around the edges of the white dot. 

As you do this, you may need to use your tissue or cotton ball to wipe off excess polish from the tip so you can keep your strokes small.

[Step 4] Fill in the areas around your dots with smaller dots of black paint and little squiggles, as you see fit. 

[Step 5] Once the spots have dried some, paint your top coat over the whole nail and let it dry completely. 

I did mine a little to close to bed time, and made a couple blanket impressions while I slept. Lesson learned. 

Here is the video tutorial I saw from "theStyleChick" on Instagram, in case you're a visual learner like me.

http://instagram.com/p/kpwhwBxlws/

Go crazy and enjoy!

The One Where I Cried At Church

Yes I just titled my post like a Friends episode.
No I'm not ashamed.

Anyway, a Facebook friend shared this link, and I thought I'd pass it on. This is the video they showed in church yesterday. Very incredible story of singer Lacey Sturm, NFL player David Tyree, and Illusionist Jim Monroe. So if you read yesterday, or even if you didn't and feel like hearing some tear jerking testimony, click the link.

http://myhopewithbillygraham.org/programs/defining-moments/