Happy 4th of July to ya! Hope everyone had a fun-, family-, food-, firework-filled day.
Mine was a little different than usual. Typically, I wake up, give my dad a birthday card, load up the car and head to east Texas for some family time-complete with fun, food and fireworks of course. Today, I was heading the opposite direction on the map-through west Texas into New Mexico, without family, without cards, without typical 4th of July food. But it was incredible! A road trip to be remembered as our mission trip team drove through the very flat, field-painted plains, stopping at some unexpectedly memorable landmarkers.
When we got to our destination for the night, we got some info on the town's 4th of July festivities, dropped our bags in our rooms and headed out to the lake to watch the local firework show.
As I sat between my teens as we stepped into this town's picture of tradition and watched the spectacular display, I found myself thinking about how one firework is cool, but I really like it when 3 or 4 or 10 go off all at once. I love the crashing boom and the overwhelming flash of lights as multiple fireworks shoot up at once. And I almost wished that they would just bundle all of the fireworks together and just throw a match and let the chaos ensue.
And as I imagined this, I started thinking about how as cool as that would be, the spectacle would be over in seconds instead of a 30 minute show of spurts of amazement as one or two go up in the night sky at a time. So as my mind continued on this path, I began to think that there's something to that steady awe that comes with watching a fireworks show-one, two, maybe three bursts at a time, all building to the incredible explosion of a finale when boxes of fireworks are set off at a time providing a continuous display of shimmering flashes and satisfying booms.
How often in life, do I want everything to explode all at once? To know all of the answers right that seconds? To experience everything I can in a race to the end?
And God moves just like the fireworks show-the professionals. He sends up a few at a time, let's me experience a couple great things or even a couple difficult things at a time, pacing me out for the grand finale. When I want to bundle everything up all together and throw the match in the middle, God tells me to wait and enjoy the show. My impatience says set all of it off at once so I can see all the pretty flashes and hear the roaring boom. And God shoots off a few at a time, leading me more and more toward the grand finale when I will be able to experience everything to the fullest. I am glad, then, that He is the professional and holds me off patiently so that I don't experience all of the things life has to offer all at once, and the show is over in a matter of seconds. I am glad for fireworks, and that no matter how many times I experience them, they are just as beautiful as if I had never seen them before.
I recently sat down and read Perks of Being a Wallflower. I had seen the movie but needed to really experience the story in book form, so one day between classes I went to the library and checked it out. Aside from a busy first couple days where I read a "chapter" or two at a time, I finished the book in a matter of a day. There are some books, movies, moments that just hang in your head even when its over. For me, Perks is one of those.
The story focuses on Charlie, who is entering his first year of high school, writing letters to an unknown "friend". He confides in this anonymous person with the details of his life including the thoughts he doesn't know how to share with anyone else. In his letters, he discloses the relationships he builds and experiences he has as he finds a place in high school. Charlie forms a relationship with his English teacher, Bill, who sees his potential and begins to challenge him with reading more advanced books and writing essays. One day, Bill and Charlie are talking and Bill asks Charlie if he always thinks so much, to which Charlie replies "Is that a bad thing?" Bill goes on to say "Sometimes people use thought not to participate in life."
Soaking in these words, Charlie sets out to participate in the world around him. He meets Sam and Patrick, brother and sister upperclassmen, who quickly become his closest friends. The two take him into their friend group and invite him to live outside of his thoughts but appreciate his qualities of being a wallflower. Sam and Patrick teach Charlie how to be a friend to others, the ups and downs of dating, how to take risks in life and step outside of his comfort zone, and show him love that he has missed most of his life as a wallflower. At one point in the story, Charlie begins dating one of Sam and Patrick's friend, but doesn't actually like her. In his attempt to be nice, he keeps dating her even though he loves Sam. One night at a party, Charlie is dared to kiss the prettiest girl in the room and he chooses Sam. This causes a rift in the friend group, and Patrick advises Charlie to stay away for a while. So in a matter of minutes, he is back to being alone. He begins to spiral back into his anxiety, going through the motions of life and not really living. His thoughts become his friends, and he doesn't hear from Patrick or Sam for several weeks.
Another story that has danced through my mind since I first saw it is the Secret Life of Walter Mitty. I've already written a blog or two about my love for the film, but with it coming out on DVD and its parallel to Perks, I can't help but talk about it yet again. Walter is a daydreamer, through and through. Part of the draw of the movie is the ability to connect with his character's ability to daydream outrageous visions for his life. My daydreams may not include having "Benjamin Button" syndrome, but I certainly find myself daydreaming about different situations in my life. I daydream about having conversations with people, life after college, marriage, travel...you name it, I've probably daydreamed about it. In the movie, Walter is trying to "wink" at a girl on this online dating site, but he has to fill in his profile of "been there", "done that", so he keeps getting phone calls from a guy who works for the site. Walter tells the guy he hasn't really been anywhere noteworthy. His adventures have all been in his head, he hasn't really been participating in life.
At the beginning of his journey, Walter is in Greenland and is forced to make the choice of giving up on his mission or getting in a helicopter with an inebriated Greenlandic man. He is sitting in the bar, letting his opportunity slip away, when he daydreams that Sheryl-the girl of his dreams-showed up and started singing "Space Oddity" to him. In a moment, he makes the quick decision to jump onto the helicopter as it's lifting off the ground. This is the point Walter's life changed. He went from daydreaming his adventure to living it. And just like Charlie faced difficulties after deciding to participate, so does Walter. Only a few minutes after taking this leap into a life of adventure, he jumps into the freezing waters of the Atlantic and is circled by a shark (or so I've gathered, as I've had my eyes closed through this scene all 3 times I've watched).
Fortunately, in both stories, the protagonist continues forward. Charlie's friends work everything out, he gets help for his anxiety, and life returns to normal. Walter pushes on in his mission, adventures through Iceland and Afghanistan, finds what he's looking for and wins the girl in true happily ever after fashion.
So, as I said, I've been thinking.
And there's the problem. I have been thinking and not living. Not participating. My life has been a series of daydreams and "what-ifs", thoughts and wishes instead of opportunities and adventures. Don't get me wrong, I love my life! And I don't think I'm as extreme as either of these characters-that's why they are characters. But I have been sitting back and thinking about how I want things to be, how I want to be, what I want to do, what I want to see. And I haven't been planning and working on how to get there. I haven't sought out opportunities to pour into other people. I use movie nights as a less-than-fulfilling substitute for really, truly spending time with the people I'm surrounded with.
In Walter Mitty, Walter is searching for a film negative that is "the quintessence of life". Though, I'm not sure if that's life with a capital L or not, that is the purpose for the whole movie. On the surface, it's the search for the "quintessence of Life" (as in the magazine). But for Walter, it is the search for the "quintessence of life" (as in general-living, breathing, seeing, feeling life).
Now, with all of this thinking I've been doing, I would have to say
the quintessence of life is this: to participate. To think, yes, but to
live outside of those thoughts and make life happen, instead of just
letting life happening to you.
The reality of graduation is weighing very heavily on me. Not in an "I'm depressed and mopey, freaking out because college is ending" kind of way, but more of a "wide-eyed 22 year old, facing the precipice of real-life adulthood" way.
In less than 2 months now, I will don my graduation cap and gown, hopefully smoothly waltz across the Benson stage, shake hands with Dr. McLarty, and shuffle my way into the cold world. And each step I take toward that day is making me realize more and more that I am growing up. What a terrifying, but simultaneously incredible, thought!
I have changed so much in the past 4 years-physically, emotionally, spiritually-and thank GOD! As I approach this crossroads, I find myself stealing glances back at what was, thinking about all the things I have learned and the different places I have transformed. I can literally feel the growing pains, as I prepare to take my leap into full-on responsibility; a world away from the simplicities of the routine of school-life. And this semester is challenging me-this whole year, in fact. I have been given incredible responsibilities (and when I say incredible, I mean I am so honored by all the responsibilities handed to me within the past year). I was given the chance last summer to not only intern for a second time but to coordinate a seminar about human trafficking at my church. My best friend got engaged to the man of her dreams, and I am humbled to stand beside her as Maid of Honor this year. I spent last semester as an activities director for my social club with my dear friend Steph. In some fumble of life, I was selected to help lead our human trafficking group at Harding with a group of awesome people who are dedicated to the cause! And most recently, have been blessed to be connected in a powerful way with the organization PATH in Little Rock, and am directing a 5K in May to help promote awareness and raise funds.
And with all this responsibility, as amazing as it is, I am questioning what on EARTH God thinks He is doing. I'm the girl who can't finish anything! There's a coffee table sitting in our apartment living room that has been sanded down for almost a year now, waiting on me to spruce it up with a new paint job. I'm the girl who starts to clean her room, and get's stuck sorting through a drawer of old stuff, leaving it a bigger mess than when I started. I can't even list how many books I have accumulated over my life that are half-read, because I start a new one and never go back to finish it.
So this is my growing up challenge. God is challenging me to finish what I started. He's challenging me to not hope that things are moved or cancelled for my lazy convenience, but to take on all my responsibilities (be it Maid of Honor, HUmanity, graduation, post-grad planning, social life, PATH, etc.) and complete them for His glory. He is teaching me that I CAN'T finish anything on my own...except maybe a Peanut Butter Snickers. But I CAN finish if I turn it over to Him. I will always need help. Granted, I am often too stubborn to ask for it. God has been standing next to me so many times saying "Here, hand it to me, beloved. We can do it together. My yoke is easy and my burden is light. It's lighter than any of these things you are juggling. So hand it to me, let me help."
I will probably still always be that girl who has a hard time finishing every book I pick up, or every DIY project I so boldly take on. But I also know that God is growing me in this stage of my life, to be a mature adult, willing to take on tasks that will glorify Him. He just has to remind me sometimes that I can only truly finish them if I rely on Him.
In the obsession of the Secret Life of Walter Mitty soundtrack, I decided to build my own adventure playlist. Because I'm feeling whimsical and daydream-y and such. And because, why not? It's pretty much just a folksy mix of songs that would be good for coffee shops, plane trips, car rides, falling asleep to; whatever suits your fancy. So feel free to follow it if you have Spotify, and even moreso, feel free to add your own tunes to it.
If all goes well, I've posted a link to it for quick access.
I made it a goal this break to read the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, finally, considering I finally had time to sit and absorb myself in it. I apologize to everyone on my Facebook and Twitter, I really tried to keep the quotes at a minimum, but they were just so good I couldn't help but share sometimes. Anyway, in an attempt to keep myself from copying the entire book into Facebook statuses, I kept a note on my phone of some of my favorite quotes from the book, which I will share momentarily.
In the two weeks I took to sit and read and absorb this book, I was given so much insight into how Satan works in our lives. I am amazed that a man could sit down and write an entire book from the perspective of a being that is absolutely the furthest thing from the reality he believes in, but thankful that Lewis had such a brilliant mind as to contribute these Letters to the world. It was such a surreal moment reading each chapter as Screwtape addressed almost every sin I have ever dealt with and many I didn't even realize were something I struggled with. A huge part of me felt peace rush through my body though as I read the words that admitted I wasn't the only one in the world who experienced these moments of weakness. Clearly Lewis understood the struggle enough to address it, which I can only imagine means he must have faced the same things I have and, even more, currently am dealing with. I sing praises that C.S. Lewis was such a brilliant man, and even more that God was able to use him to reach into society through his literature.
So without any further ado, my top quotes from The Screwtape Letters:
"All mortals tend to turn into the thing they pretend to be. This is elementary."
"Indeed-the safest road to Hell is the gradual one-the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts."
**"When [God] talks of their losing their selves, He only means abandoning the clamour of slef-will; once they have done that, He really gives them back all their personality, and boasts (I'm afraid, sincerely) that when they are wholly His they will be more themselves than ever." ** "The man who truly and disinterestedly enjoys any one thing in the world, for its own sake, and without caring two-pence what other people say about it, is by that very fact forearmed against some of our subtlest modes of attack." "Catch him at the moment when he is really poor in spirit and smuggle into his mind the gratifying reflection, 'By jove! I'm being humble!' and almost immediately pride-pride at his own humility-will appear." ----this one appealed to me cause I have often caught myself double-thinking my motivation for doing something. It made me aware that this type of double-thinking is one way Satan tries to steal glory from God. "Let him think of it [humility] not as self-forgetfulness but as a certain kind of opinion (namely a low opinion) of his own talents and character...By this method thousands of humans have been brought to think that humility means pretty women trying to believe they are ugly and clever men trying to believe they are fools." ---God created us perfectly and our doubting ourselves does not mean we are being humble. "For the Present is the point at which time touches eternity. Of the present moment, and of it only, humans have an experience analogous to the experience which our Enemy has of reality as a whole; in it alone freedom and actuality are offered them." "He does not want men to give the Future their hearts, to place their treasure in it." "Much of the modern resistance to chastity comes from men's belief that they 'own' their bodies." "We teach them not to notice the different senses of the possessive pronoun..." "And all the time the joke is that the word 'Mine' in its fully possessive sense cannot be uttered by a human being about anything. In the long run either Our Father [Satan] or the Enemy [God] will say 'Mine' of each thing that exists, and specially of each man. They will find out in the end, never fear, to whom their time, their souls, and their bodies really belong--certainly not to THEM, whatever happens." "There are things for humans to do all day long without His [God] minding in the least--sleeping, washing, eating, drinking, making love, playing, praying, working. Everything has to be twisted before its any use to us." "On the other hand we do want, and want very much, to make men treat Christianity as a means; preferably, of course, as a means to their own advancement, but, failing that, as a means to anything--even social justice." "Thus we make it fashionable to expose the dangers of enthusiasm at the very moment when they are all really becoming worldly and lukewarm; a century later, when we are really making them all Byronic and drunk with emotion, the fashionable outcry is directed against the dangers of the mere 'understanding'." "...Love is not enough, that charity is needed and not yet achieved and that no external law can supply its place." "Anything, even a sin, which has the total effect of moving him close up to the Enemy, makes it against us in the long run." "If the thing he prays for doesn't happen, then that is one more proof that petitionary prayers don't work; if it does happen, he will, of course, be able to see some of the physical causes which led up to it, and 'therefore it would have happened anyway', and thus a granted prayer becomes just as good a proof as a denied one that prayers are ineffective." "To watch a mean do something is not to make him do it." "Prosperity knits a man to the World. He feels that he is 'finding his place in it', while really it is finding its place in him." "He sees as well as you do that courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point, which means, at the point of highest reality." "Pilate was merciful till it became risky." "...the act of cowardice is all that matters; the emotion of fear is, in itself, no sin and, though we enjoy it, does us no good."
**Absolutely my favorite quote from this book! Truly a moment of really grasping how God works in His desire for us to give up ourselves and put Christ on. It is not a selfish request, but one that will give us even more freedom and joy than anything we could ever give ourselves in life.
Last week I shared about my conviction to really focus on living in the future. I wanted to follow up and share this quote that came across my Pinterest feed. Thought it fitting for the idea of really living now.
Quick review and recommendation for The Secret Life of Walter Mitty: It's incredible, go see it now!
Okay, now that we've cleared that up, let's talk about this movie and what it teaches and why it captivated me from the first preview I saw 6 months ago. Walter works for Life magazine as a film developer. He lives a life of daydreams-constantly interrupting his current life as he "zones out" into a world of fantasy and adventure. I don't know if I've ever related to a character as much as Mr. Mitty. His interactions with people are awkward and conversations brief. But finally, he decides to stop daydreaming about adventure, throws fear to the wind and just GOES! Yup, runs out of work, jumps on a plane and ends up in a different country with just the clothes on his back. Oh how I dream of that! To just say "BRB!" Get in my car, on a bike, in a plane or on a train and go somewhere I've never been, with just the clothes on my back. To live a life of whimsy and free-spiritedness. My heart aches for that.
Two quotes from this movie that have been swirling in my head since I walked out: "To see things thousands of miles away, things hidden behind walls and within rooms, things dangerous to come to, to draw closer, to see and be amazed. That is the purpose of life."That is the motto of Life Magazine in the movie. Don't tell me that's not a good quote! It captures the essence of what I wish for every day. I think some days it's to see things thousands of miles away but some days it's just to take a closer look at the things around you. It's to do something that scares you every day. To look around you in any circumstance and be amazed at its wonder. That is the purpose of life.
The second is this:"Beautiful things don't ask for attention." I hesitate to give too much information, but at one point in the movie, the photographer Sean O'Connell is sitting on top of a mountain looking through his camera at a snow leopard, telling that snow leopards don't like to be seen and he utters these words. Isn't that the most wonderful sentiment. Things that are truly beautiful in life don't ask for attention. They reveal themselves just long enough for someone to notice them but are gone before they can be praised. The most beautiful part of a sunrise is only there for a second before the light boldly shines across the sky. And never once does it ask for us to look at it. It goes dutifully about its business every day, noticed or unnoticed.
So maybe those thoughts will echo in your head as they have been in mine. But I love the fearlessness in this movie! It's a perfect tale of overcoming fear and challenging yourself to realize your true potential in life.
So now, get off the couch, grab a loved one and jet it to the closest theatre to see The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Please and thank you!
This afternoon, I got to do something I love but typically don't have much time for-a long afternoon drive. As I set out on the highway, drawing closer to my destination, my eyes drank in the warm colors of fall trees, I started thinking about how much I love fall. And how I love spring as well, but for different reasons.
These are the transition seasons. They're not as long as summer or winter; to me, lasting much less tome than I would hope. They aren't even as extreme as summer and winter. Fall and spring are the middle ground. They stand firmly in who they are, but they compromise between the piercing cold and strangling heat.
Fall to me is beautiful. It's scarf, boot and "pumpkin flavor everything" weather. I approve. I love walking outside in a cardigan, tshirt, scarf and boots and being just warm enough. And the sun is a welcome warmth when it's just a bit more wintry than usual. There's something about the way the trees change, preparing to lose their leaves, that makes my heart leap inside its cage. And the child in me loves walking through the crisp leaves and hearing that satisfying crunch under foot.
But then there is spring. And though the trees start off bare, there's something to be said of the restoration in the earth as the first signs of spring peek through the frigidity. I've always seen a lot of imagery in the newness of spring.
But as I drove today, thinking of these transition seasons, I couldn't help but think how much I love the transition stages in life. I may not realize it when I'm beginning them, or even until I've already left them, but I love changes in life! I enjoy growing and being able to look back at the path I've taken. Those transition times are so much more adventurous than the extreme hot and extreme cold. There's something about our lives moving toward or away from one extreme that makes my heart leap in its cage, just as it does when I take in the fall leaves. So enjoy the transition periods. Take in the beauty that comes with the middle ground of life. And on a more literal note, go enjoy fall while its still here! It's short and fleeting.
